forget about this one

brand new blog

www.erinnazhan.blogspot.com

You shouldnt have been at the other end of my road.

'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you,
All I know is that I should,
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you,
All I know is that I should.

You meant more to me then any one I've ever loved at all,
But you taught me how to trust myself,
And so I say to you, this is what I have to do.


I wanted you to fight for me, I wanted you to let me know how much you felt for me, I needed you to need me back, I wanted to you acknowledge my fears and disappointment, and I wanted you to know that I was anticipating pain and feeling vulnerable as ever.

I didnt expect you to steal my heart and break it as you want, you were the last thing I thought I couldn't afford to lose.

I remember the time I told you the way I felt, you know I'd be lost without you.
You know how I felt for you, you know what I had seen in you.

You can lie to me all this while, you can fake all the things you've said.
But I can't, I can't fake my words.

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt to lose."

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" he said. It was clearly a rhetorical question. His fingers traced slowly down my spine, his breath coming more quickly against my skin. My hands were limp on his chest, and I felt lightheaded again. He tilted his head slowly and touched his cool lips to mine a second time, very carefully, parting them slightly. And then I collapsed. " Bella?" His voice was alarmed as he caught me and held me up. You...made...me...faint," I accused him dizzily. "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU?" he groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"


:)

Reverie

ERINNA says:
i wish i can write my own book, get it published and have the whole world read it y'know?
aqil says:
you can
aqil says:
if thats what you dream of
aqil says:
actually
aqil says:
thats my dream too
ERINNA says:
yeah i've always dreamed of being able to write beautifully

Are we in denial?

You think you're right, you think you can never be wrong.
You refused to accept, you refused to digest the other information.

So, why do we tell the truth sometimes? Why can't we just keep it to ourselves? Why do we tend to blurt out the things that we shouldn't?

There are some people whose afraid to be honest sometimes, because honesty isn't the best approach. Am I right?

We tell the truth, and we feel relieved. Once everything is out in the open, we stop worrying.
We deny things because we don't want to hurt a feeling nor hurt our own feelings.

In the end of the day, all we need is to be close to somebody. We need at least, one person who we can be completely honest with and able to accept us for who we really are.

That's why we need trust, to withstand whatever consequences that we might come upon. Trust the other person, and hoping that other person will do the same. That's how it works, that's how we overcome the difficult circumstances.

Something to share

This is by far, the most captivating book I have ever read. It took me only a day, to finish the whole book. It's a pretty short story, but it was beautifuly written.

So, the story revolves around Kate Fitzgerald who has died and to her astonishment, she finds herself wandering and hovering around in a limbo like state. She's also able to invisibly travel above and visit her friends, family and her beloved home.

Not only she's able to see what is happening after her demise, but she discovers many things in her life that she didnt know before.

You have to read the book by yourself, I'm not a good story-teller :p

There's a thin line between make-up and break-up

The constant fights we have, does it ever go away?
I hope it does, because it's getting harder each day.


I'm not fine, not okay. How I wish things are not ugly as it seems, I've never been in this kind of situation before. My previous relationship didnt encounter this kind of issue, I can't say that it went smooth but in the beginning of it, it was really nice.

Maybe he's not the right one for me, there's even hardly something in common between us. Everything I say, doesnt seem to make sense to him. It's all crap and bullshit. For all I know, I was pulling out every nerve I have to explain things to him and making him understand. I am practically entangled.

My head's too heavy now, maybe I need space and time. Also, I need comfort. I lost the will to fight, and I'm trying my best to tolerate. Am I capable of losing this guy? I don't have the answer.

I will try to figure things out, I will make a decision. Hopefully, it will be a wise one :)

Is it something that we just forgive and move on, or there's more to it?

ERINNA says:
I want you to not shut me down, if things get rough. I want you to let me in, even though we're fighting like crazy. I want you to still be able to see me even if we're not in good terms. You have to know, i'm freaking fragile and i can break any time, and i'm sorry that you'll always be the victim but i'm trying. So what's your verdict?


Something happened before that, something that has led me to the road of my insides. I'm still trying to digest everything, everything that has been said. A small part of me kept bugging me to let it go, you know. Soft whispers came, telling me that I can't go through this anymore. I can't keep up with the never-ending fights. But, I can't let go.


I was trying to make things up, but he thinks he was the one who tried to make things up the whole day. I know it's bloody hard to put up with me, I have terrible mood swings. And when i'm having my mood swings, and you happen to tickle me at the wrong part then you're just asking for a storm.

I can't elaborate, sorry.

Thanks for the memories

The best days of our lives

From left to right : shua, sha, fyka and me.

Thai Express, Curve. Fyka's farewell

From left to right : zira, amir, aqil, imran, izmir and me

Paddington house of pancakes, Curve. My eighteenth celebration

Fyka's leaving for National Service.

Chillis, Ou. Fyka's eighteenth celebration.

Meet my bestfriend, aqil.

Backstreet boys concert, Sunway Surf Beach

Meet aqil's sweeeet ex-girlfriend, Dina.

Sheraton Imperial, before prom night.

From left to right : mel, mayn, izmir, sha, marie, shua, saachi, kevin, koo, aqil, aizat and me

Baskin Robbins, Hartamas. The best picture of all, the night after spm

Latest addiction

I can't wait, I can't wait for the movie. Here in Malaysia, the movie's releasing on 31st July 2008.

I'm walking alone on a rainy day, and I can't find a shelter.

"The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain."


I can stare at this empty page blatantly for hours, and still I can't come up with something magnificent to write about.

Is it due to an enclosed mind? The mind who can't even interpret our own vulnerable feelings, are we not able to express our feelings? Or are we not able to put it into words? Here's an alarming thought, maybe we're just not capable of saying it in the most graceful way.

Why do we feel empty sometimes? Is it because we're lonely? Many questions rumbling through my mind, and I can't seem to find the answer. What do we want out of life, really? Company of a loved one? Success? Tons of cash? And to those who are married, are they just seeking a fulfilled conjugal bond?
Let's put it it this way, if we can't figured what we want out of life, we won't be able to shoot the ball into the goal. So people, make up your mind.


When you were young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun and experiencing non-living fairytales. Then you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you dont leap at all because theres not always someone there to catch you. and, in life theres no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary? You tell me.

I'm vulnerable, I know. In fact, I can be the most fragile person you've ever met. I'm scared, most of the time. I built up my own restrictions, so that I won't be exposed to damages. Truth is, I'm not a hardcore person, I would constantly look before I jump. For instance, I don't do rollercoasters nor bungee jumping because i'm scared of heights and people die there(haha). Aren't I wary enough?

The lessons that we learnt in life, does it make us a better person? Does it have a some kind of phenomenal effect on us? The pain that we are subjected to, does the lessons lessen the pain? Morally, our behaviour relates to our situation in life. As we get older, we learn more and become a wise person and we occasionally slow down long enough to savor certain moments. Hopefully, we live a fulfilled life until the last day of our lives.

All that I inspired to be, you'll see

" To be happy, it first takes being comfortable being in your own shoes. The rest can work up from there. The hardest situation to stay happy in, I think, is when you're trying to find love, and yourself at the same time. It just doesn't seem to fit well. So I believe that happiness is being able to wake up and just know that this is what you wanted, and not what somebody else wanted. "

This is just something random,

I am eighteen this year.

I never knew that I wanted to be doctor, until I was convinced and given major support that I can be one.

I think music is the best invention of melody. Good music is equivalent to good entertainment.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

You don't get the things that you wish for, often. You get things that are meant for you, so be grateful.

I believe that all people are good at heart.

I appreciate people who can express their feelings in an educated manner, I appreciate people who can write, and be able to munch the 'events' of daily lives and learn from it.

I enjoy the company of the people I love.

I have a HUGE crush on Kyle Patrick, he has an amazing voice.

And, I'm yearning for a happy ending.

The best I ever had

"I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be, and so I wish for patience, and grace, and the strength to just let him be happy. Mostly, I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that just really sucks."

I strived for a renewed hope, I strived for forgiveness, I mustered every ounce of will I have to reach the surface of the water that I was drowned in. I was once broken and now i'm picking up my pieces, putting it back together. I may not seem like a shiny and lustrous glass like before, but I'm better. Way better, really.

I was happy and I was loved, at least that's what I think. There was nothing in the world I would want to trade him for, as of that time. For the first time in my life, I was genuinely happy. I would cherish the moments I had, for as long as I live. I'm starting to sound really cheesy, but who cares.

I'm not hoping for something I couldnt have, I'm just taking a short trip down to memory lane. I miss it so much, I'm happy with where I am now. And I'm thankful for what I had, it's enough for me even though it was only for a few months.

Even if I have the chance to turn back time, I wouldn't. Because if I would, things wouldnt be the same anymore and I have moved on. It was a great experience, and it's for me to keep. It wasnt meant to be, so I accepted it. It's okay, the rainbow would finally appear after the rain.

Give me a chance, give me a break

Hello you. Welcome to my blog, welcome to my world :) Honestly, this is my second blog page. My previous blog has been deleted, as it was too dull and boring. So i'd wish to start over a new one, so hold on tight and enjoy the ride!